Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Almost that time if tear to whip out the Ol' cellular device and record a bunch of fireworks I'll never watch again.

   At the time getting into a relationship seemed like a good idea... but then again so did getting on the Titanic

   Wonder Woman an icon representing male objectification or female empowerment?

   we shoot off Chinese fireworks to celebrate our freedom from the British

   There's a big difference between a girl and a guy using a whole box of kleenex while watching a movie...

   So you wanna celebrate tyhe Fourth of July? Start a Revolution!

   The only reason Christie was caught was that some environmentalists were in the area and thought they saw a beached whale.

   The only problem with Chris Christie closing the beach to everyone but himself... Not enough people there to push him back into the water.

   The world overdosing on stupidity, having already destroyed the antidote.

   The media is terrible!!! They should have really help that beached whale (Christie) back into the water!! But no!! They just take pics and publish.

   Don't forget to proudly wave our American flags made in China today..

   Remember to leave a Budweiser and a rifle out under you America tree tonight for Kid Rock or he won't leave you any fireworks

   I'm in a Domestic Partnership with myself. One hand vacuums while the other one dusts.

   Hug her from behind but keep an eye out for her husband.

   I'm so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"

   I’ve been chatting online with a 14-year-old girl. Really flirty and sexy. Then she tells me she is an undercover cop. How cool is that for someone her age?

   I love ruining the plot of Dorian Gray for people. Never gets old.

   Take the number of letters in your last name and divide that by your pin number. What answer did you get? That's correct.

   The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.

   Lets bring back Chuk Noris!!! And get rid of Justin Bieber, Justin Timberlake, Half man half woman former Kardashian husband now turned a woman who still likes women, Kardashians, Snookie, etc....