Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   the Chairman for the Frostbite Falls Society of Wildlife Conversation. Well, somebody's gonna have to start talking about these things.

   Sometimes, it's not so easy being Fearless Leader.

   maybe Lebron left his talents in South Beach.

   Sometimes, the problem is your underwear.

   Anybody wanna come and drink dinner with me?

   If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will?

   thinking about trick or treating at the local brothel this Sunday. That way I can have both and don't have to choose.

   What do you call a rooster with erectile dysfunction? Boneless chicken

   Possible slogan for inferior Tampon Co. "We're not number one, but we're still up there!".

   R.I.P. To my seamonkey Oscar~10-20-84 to 10-26-84. You are missed!

   how do you know you are at a gay picnic? The hotdogs taste like $h!t

   They just put in a ban of trick or treaters 25 years of age or older... looks like my halloween plans are now changing

   Religion is a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers.

   Dear Me, You are the sexiest thing to walk this Earth! Love, Me

   ever have one of those days when you wish you had the Cone of Silence so you could scream your lungs out without anyone hearing you after debating with a friend who is stuck on stupid?

   At my last job, I mixed concrete with a pitchfork.. Under job title on this application should I put ,,Mortar forker?

   Guess facebook is my woman because I wake up and say good morning and whats on my mind

   How do I explain to a coworker, that she is not a size 6…that EVERY pair of pants she wears she has a Camel Toe…and EVERYONE has noticed!

   wonders “Why its called a walkie talkie, yet a vacuum isn't called a pushy sucky???”

   My girlfriend has a weird fetish, she likes to dress up like herself and act like a b!tch every night.