Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5437 of 6370
Only in America would they name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.
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11-09-2010 23:34
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knows you partied too hard the night before when you're eating cereal naked the next day and your girlfriend says: "Put your clothes on". Just then you realize that was not your girlfriend - it's some woman walking her dog.
thinks the only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo, is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you.
finds himself dating high maintenance women. I'm not sure why - I think because I hate money. Its as though I check out my checking account, and I say: Oh, that's just too much. I need to make an investment that's going nowhere, fast!
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11-09-2010 23:19
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wondering when SkyNet is finally going online? I've been preparing for that moment since 1985.
: Microwave broke - time to break out the Easy Bake Oven.
[citation needed]
great advice for those seeking to get out of a terrible relationship and tried almost everything: start peeing the bed. But make sure its theirs.
told its Erection Day today. I'm wasn't sure if I ever celebrated that holiday in the past, but a waiter at Hong Kong Buffet insisted it was and I better get out and vote.
Every year Santa runs over Grandma with his Reindeer. I wonder if I give him extra cookies if he would aim for my ex wife this year instead?
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11-09-2010 21:54
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Whats the purpose of a camouflage Snuggie? Do you plan on eating popcorn while watching TV in the deep woods anytime soon?
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11-09-2010 21:26
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My wife doesn't have a mean bone in her body. More like dorman with rage bones that surface late at night when I come home drunk and try to get her to have sex with me.
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11-09-2010 20:13
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I prefer the button fly. That is one place on my wardrobe I do not need sharp interlocking metal teeth.
~*~What? You didn't understand that? Here, let me break out the crayons and hand puppets and see if we can dumb this down enough for you...
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11-09-2010 18:27
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It's illegal to text and drive, but it's not against the law to work on ur laptop whilest driving. Thanks policeman for making that clear.
The day I confuse the Google search box with my Facebook status update box will be a tragic, life changing and possibly fatal one.
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11-09-2010 17:36
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if you want it sugar coated, go to Dunkin Donuts.
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11-09-2010 16:41 by mari
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Since you clearly don't know the difference between Prince Charming and The Big Bad Wolf, I'm soo revoking your Disney Princess Fan Club Membership.
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11-09-2010 16:40 by Mari
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I raised the alarm at work today.The midgets were furious.
Womens football. If it isn't raining I'm just not interested.