Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Always be upfront with your feelings and not lead people on.

   Beauty is not make up.

   Waitress just said their creamed spinach was banging. Not sure how I feel about that.

   Me, wait for you? No thanks! I've stretched the game out, crossed your name out. This man has moved on to better things.

   Of course the snow is really "coming down" out there. What? As opposed to it going up?

   John Fogarty is asking me if I've ever seen the rain.......I have and I've seen alot more snow than I care to though.

   having a Valentine's Eve party for those that need to have a good time before tomorrow comes.

   I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with you keeping your hands off of my body.

   Bree Olson and company, dont go thinking you all are something special....Even Hugh Hefner went through " GODDSSES " like toilet paper...im just sayin!!!

   there a better scream-along song than Journey's Don't Stop Believin'?

   Wanna get laid? Just crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!

   I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.

   wondering if Saddam ever said to Osama 'What you need to do is employ people who look exactly like you so they can be found instead.'

   "On your bach,or you vill go bach"-Arnold Schwarzenegger

   just because you put hogh octane in your metro geo doesn't mean you belong in the fast lane.

   I have in fact fallen more walking up stairs then falling down stairs.

   would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy .

   I miss me when I'm gone.

   People who use anagram solver apps so they can always win at 'Words With Friends' I have one for you.....RHCTAETE

   Wishing all my facebook friends a fantasmagorical weekend filled with fun, sun, and...hang on a sec....huh?....okay, it's supposed to rain all weekend so never mind.