Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Nothing's more satisfying than when "the one that got away" turns into "whew, dodged that bullet."
It's tough to judge nonverbal cues from someone with an eyepatch. Did that pirate just wink at me or are they blinking?"
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus."
Don't you hate it when people start a whole conversation off you're status? C'mon guys, get a WALL!"
What happens in an exam : Tik tok , Mind block , Pen stop , Eye pop , Full shock , Jaw drop , Time up , No Luck
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11-18-2010 18:30 by mmZZ41n
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someday I'll sit down with my grandchildren to watch "Airplane" and they'll say, "I can't believe they used to just let people get on planes"
sometimes I wish I had more asses to tell people to kiss!
not superstitious. maybe just a little stitious
How come some people always think they have to have the last text?
Furnace quit working and I woke up to a house that was 59 degrees. For a minute there, I thought I was married again:)
While driving yesterday, I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it......thanks a lot Mario Kart.
Why oh why do people use an apostrophe to make a word plural? An apostrophe s is only used to show possession (Jane's books) or a contraction for "is" (she's late for work). Get it?
Some git has stolen a pair of my wifes knickers of the washing line shes not bothered just wants the 22 pegs back
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11-18-2010 16:25
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Can't we just b friends????....a consolation prize for all those wasted years
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11-18-2010 16:01 by Hemant
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Whatever you do DO NOT look the bell ringers in the eye's...
Justin Bieber Found To Be Cleverly Disguised 51-Year-Old Pedophile
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11-18-2010 15:35
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I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better
Some things time cannot erase. That's why alcohol exists.
The bell ringers are out in full force already. I really don't mind and know it's for a good cause. I just hate the fact that it feels like I'm paying a "cover charge" to go into Walmart.
When I die, I want a disease named after me, with symptoms that include "being awesome at everything."