Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5379 of 6370
I had a really big hangover this morning. I sat on the edge of the bed naked.
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11-28-2010 12:39
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Being honest doesn't mean you tell your Grandmother her breath stinks.
I read that the first vibrator was created to cure women who had hysteria....So I guess they created the first vacuum hose to cure men high blood pressure...
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car....
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11-28-2010 10:23 by Grifter
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It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up...
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11-28-2010 10:22 by Grifter
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I went to a bookstore last night and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose....
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11-28-2010 10:21 by Grifter
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Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks....
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11-28-2010 10:18 by Grifter
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Reasons why Alcohol should be served at work...its an incentive to show up
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11-28-2010 08:31 by Sean
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feels sorry for people who are on trial. Their future is put into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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11-28-2010 05:53
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Remember fellas, no matter how good she looks, if she's single it most likely means someone got tired of putting up with her B.S.
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11-28-2010 05:51
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feels sorry for people who are on trial. Their future is put into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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11-28-2010 05:49
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Just because you saw a movie with singing, it doesn't mean you can sing when you get out....the same applies to Karate movies.
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11-27-2010 22:38 by TDN
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Macaroni wouldn't be nothing if it weren't for cheese. Cheese, on the other hand, doesn't need macaroni to stay pimp. I think we all know who wears the pants in the macaroni and cheese relationship.
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11-27-2010 19:48
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only in Texas, this time of the year, does the weather change so drastically that you are put in a situation where the downstairs a/c makes the upstairs heater come on...
Cranberry sauce is seriously misnamed. Sauce doesn't retain the shape of the can it comes in. Let's call it what it is. That stuffs cranberry jello.
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11-27-2010 19:45
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received a warning that aliens are abducting all of the sexy people in the world! Don't panic, you are safe! I am just writing to say goodbye!
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11-27-2010 19:44
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It's funny...they leave the vault doors wide open in banks but somehow have those .50 cent pens chained to the tables.
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11-27-2010 19:43 by Danmanz
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Why is it that car commercials know which old songs were good but oldies radio stations don't?
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11-27-2010 19:26 by Luka
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If Jim Rockford was such a good detective, how come he could never figure out that he wasn't going to get paid?
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11-27-2010 19:16 by Luka
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Thanksgiving leftovers idea #57: Turkey margarita.
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11-27-2010 19:15
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