Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   let's be honest .... nothing is as good as 90's nostalgia, Rocko's Modern Life over Sanjay and Craig any day.

   BTW .... I need a new friend ....... The last one escaped

   Meanwhile In Canada: "We are receiving requests from everywhere," Stephane Dion, Foreign Affairs Minister, on the search for a peacekeeping mission for Canada.

   Just found out about the Pokémon Go app today and downloaded it. No disrespect intended BUT....I find enough shizzle on my own without blindly following this app that led me into dog poo in my neighbors front yard.

   If you can't love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot

   The economy sux so bad that, I am reciving per-declined credit offers in the mail...

   I just ran over a Pikachu and a Primeape with my car. Now I think Officer Jenny is after me.

   Find out your porn name by moving to LA with aim to become an actor.

   Maybe broccoli doesn't like you either....

   Don't want to jump to conclusions but you look like you have a porch couch.

   Right now at this very moment I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before.

   I hate when people talk about "slutty" clothing. First of all that's sexist, and second it should be called "sexually activewear."

   People that say " I hate to break it to you" can't wait to break it to you!

   Soimeone tossed me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit. I threw a trash can over it til it was dead....

   Sesame Street fired 3 of its human actors. Don't say Donald Trump didn't warn us about good American jobs going to Muppets.

   It's really awkward when you receive a friend request on Facebook from someone you are already friends with. They say they are hacked, but you like the hacker more then you like them.

   Ancient ad featuring a very young Rolling Stones singing. Because of their age now, they should call their next shows the "Snap, Crackle, and Pop Tour".

   Sweaty in the streets and still sweaty in the sheets.

   Diary, 1991: wrote that I hoped to meet a guy who'd say "everything I do, I do it for you," then put "besides Jesus" so he wouldn't get mad.

   The only positive to attending a school recital is being able to fall asleep knowing your partner can't yell at you....