Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Biden said what Ryan was saying is “malarkey” before getting in his horseless buggy to head home…

   What's the difference between a woman and a mermaid? Nothing, they're both lady on top and fishy down there!

   if Darth Vader was really black would he have admitted to being Luke's father?

   for a good time call....Jenny....867-5309

   While its always good to honer our service men and women, Memorial Day is to honer FALLEN heros.

   kissed a girl [then click "like"]

   M.I.A

   Can you imagine the outrage if Obama had refused to share his taxes with the people?

   In Hell, everybody you meet explains how they found Jesus.

   After what happened in the Kenyan mall I have no doubt now that Islam is a religion of pigs and muhammed was a fagggot

   But, officer, look at this awesome s tatus I was about to p ost.

   True, you can be too old to learn new tricks, but you're never too old to start turning tricks.

   Xmas Shopping List: iPad Air ✓ MacPro ✓ PS4✓ Broke✓

   Yoga, because farting in private is for fat people.

   I burn 95% of my calories removing gray and unwanted hairs from my head, face, ears and nose and the other 5% flipping people off while I'm driving......

   Life's too short to go to bed early

   My home is in hell and I am home right now.

   It's like my date doesn't even care about some of the core problems that faced the software development industry in the mid 90's

   Just used my Dollar General receipt to build a really cool fort for the kids.

   If I owned a book store, I'd rename the Romance section "Fantasy", because common ladies....