Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Tom Brady has to go home and plow his Super Model wife now cause it will be the only was he is scoring anytime soon

   Does anyone else see the irony that the game "Monopoly" is made by one company?

   there a special place in hell for those people who update their facebook status in church?

   if you think weakness can be turned into strength, I hate to tell you this buddy; but that is another weakness.

   I knew that my son was special when I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up and he told me "retarded"...

   finished reading Facebook... My stalking journey is complete.

   sick of reality television show...If I wanted a dose of reality, I'd look out of my freakin window. -_-

   sometimes you just have to like the judge and executioner dead in the face and tell them "no restraining order will keep me away!!!"

   The second amendment is in place in case the government ignores all others.

   When this girl at the art museum asked me who I like better, "Monet or Manet", I said "I liked mayonnaise." She just stared at me so I said it again, louder...Then she left... I guess she went to find me some mayonnaise.

   I guess one thing that is good about going to hell is at least you can pee wherever you want to.

   With no natural predators the last hope for humanity is pinned on the Internet giving idiots just enough information to cleanse themselves from our gene-pool

   What did the left butt cheek say to the right? "If we stick together, we can stop this sh*t!".....

   Facebook needs a SERIOUSLY?!?? button

   Confucius says man who argue with wife all day get no piece at night...

   To Like Your Own Status Or Picture On Facebook Is Like High-Fiving Yourself!!!

   Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

   War does not determine who is right – only who is left

   I wish that some conversations came with a fast-forward button.

   not taking coupons from giant chickens anymore. Not after last time.