Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why dont we have a John Lennon Day? I mean he was all about peace & togetherness......just sayin

   My wife is so fat she speaks in surround sound!!

   My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums!!

   Has anyone thought about the fact that Mr.KRABS lives in BIKINI BOTTOM?

   Leaving tha house to start todays blactivities!

   at the book store I saw a book titiled "LEGACY FOR ALL" a record of Achievements by Black American Scientists..... not surprised that the book was only 27 pages thick.

   The second coolest thing ab a car charger is you can use it to lift your phone up when it slides between the seat..

   Happy MLK day! In honor, I'm gonna start the day with a bowl of chocolate milk, and cocoa puffs.

   Someone go take out a famous black guy so we can get another day off next year

   Another WASTED DAY that the kids could be using to make up a snow day and a day I could be getting some stuff done , but damn near everything is closed.

   When God created Adam and Eve, did they have belly buttons?

   Romeo and Juliet are morons for listening to thier hormones. and the fact the world romantizes this story is beyoned comprehension then again, Twilight proves that the romanticization of stupid teenage obsession is still alive and well

   Starbucks is coming out with a new larger size cup...the Trenta. Which is Latin for *I Have To Pee*.

   Wow! She has a nice pair of golden globes!!

   still waiting for Spaceballs II: The Search For More Money to come out.

   Why are the people in herpes commercials always so chipper and happy? Does the pill make them forget they have herpes?

   how does every black joke start? by looking over your shoulder.

   still embarrased about what I did for a klondike bar....that was 2 years ago leave it alone people..........

   My least favorite part of Sunday mornings is being hungover when you have to find a place to hide the body.

   a friend is someone that cares but a facebook friend is there for you even when there sick in bed