Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I am addicted to updating my Facebook status. The first step is admitting I have a problem, right??

   I walked into Kwik Trip to pay for the gas & get a soda. It said, "Brat Day $1.50" in big letters!! This explains so much of the kids' behavior!!

   Some people really have a knack for giving my middle finger an erection...

   Err -45 degrees! Does that read right!? Thought this was global warming! I see an ice age!

   Ugly strikes one out of every three people...

   making beans and homemade biscuits. . . Bet my dogs try to sleep in a different room tonight. . .

   Follow what you Love, Learn what you Live, and eventually you will Live what you Love...

   I like the word "Replacement". It's more fun 'n much better than dealing with BS! Just sayin'

   just had an Epiphany...or whatever her name was....

   Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that's how us guys feel about push-up bras!!

   I was trying to bribe the dog on my way home. But he just stared at me then lie upside down, wiggles his tail and leave. I guess, language barrier is the reason...

   More people die of car accidents with a Deer than getting killed by terrorists. Maybe we should have them put on the al qaeda watch list.

   A hard man is good to find....

   You can't walk in here with a big banana and expect everything to be peaches

   in the shower this morning, I noticed that one of my nipples was a different color than the other two....is that normal?

   Today's lunch: Redman and Dr. Pepper..slimy yet satisfying.

   Patience is not a virtue, its a waste of time.

   A little advie: Never EVER buy sushi from the home shopping network.

   Whats the differentce between A Jersey girl and a piece of trash? People pick up trash.

   Facebook: making stalkers life easier since 2004