Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5240 of 6371
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
Knows that excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first making the brain a faster more efficient machine. This is why I drink!
I was planning on procastinating today but I think I'm going to put that off until next week as well
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01-23-2011 13:56 by scottyp
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if the Jets make it to the Super Bowl, I sure hope the cast from Jersey Shore will not be in the half time show
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01-23-2011 13:30
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a coincidence is only a coincidence if you don't have an open mind
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01-23-2011 13:14
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Hey, does anyone know if the Bears are playing today?
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01-23-2011 12:57 by DAYAM
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The one constant among all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers
A cancer patient only has one wish, to get better. I know that 97% of you won't post this as your status, but my friends will be the 3% that do. In honour of someone who died, or is fighting cancer please post this for at least one hour.
If you ever want to see a woman crying or screaming, just turn on oxygen.
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01-23-2011 12:23
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its days like this that some idiot out there feels the bravado to stick the tongue on a metal pole, I prefer to put my tongue on something warm, pink and juicy...
maybe I'm not pretty, nice, funny, popular, hot or charming...but at least; I'M NOT FAKE!
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01-23-2011 11:19
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Baby,baby,baby ooh!" Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to justin bieber AGAIN..? Daughter: No I'm watchin PORN... Mom: Oh thank God
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01-23-2011 11:18 by Dopey420
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Thinks that Facebook should change the status question from "What's on your mind?" to "What's your problem today?"
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01-23-2011 11:16 by Will
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What's six inches long, two and a half inches wide, and drives women wild?................................. Money
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01-23-2011 11:16 by Dopey420
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I've probably learned more from Google than I have from school.
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01-23-2011 11:09 by Will
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Hi I'm the T-Mobile My Touch 4G. Since Apple gave Verison the IPhone and not us, we feel salty and are going to attack them in every commercial.
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01-23-2011 11:06 by Will
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If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
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01-23-2011 11:00
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I was married by a judge - I should have asked for a jury.
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01-23-2011 10:59
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Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
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01-23-2011 10:54
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Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
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01-23-2011 10:53
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