Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If I can wear my slippers and there's free food, I'm in.

   the me who wakes up in the morning has zero respect for the me who set the alarm the night before!

   as we get older we begin to enter the Metallic Age.....we get silver in our hair, gold in our teeth and lead in our pants!

   Humpty Dumpty now has a facebook page....Didn't he learn the first time to stay away from walls?

   Pac-Man teaches kids to eat as many pills as possible before you are caught. Thats so not cool Pac-Man!

   Super Mario Been Encouraging Men To take Stuff to get Bigger Since the 80's

   I personally know that being stupid is its own reward

   Last time I checked, it bounced.

   Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend ppl one by one.

   I don't care what you are having for dinner unless I'm invited to join you.

   I'm not pointing out your flaws, I'm pointing out my traits that are better than yours.

   I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darn it people like me more than you.

   Being friends means you can pick on each other and joke around. If you take offense then get off my wall!!

   Glasses and Bangs.......I just got the 2011 Memo

   Just downloaded the new FIFA 11 commentory update, not much has changed although when my girlfriend went on it andy grey shouted "put the f@&king controller down & get back in the kitchen"

   Did anyone else notice that President Obama's new slogan is "Winning The Future"? Which, ironically is WTF.

   Really don't understand why everytime I open my t.v. dinner there has to be corn frozen in my brownie :/

   Jesus this, Mosses that- Abraham hit me with a wiffleball bat

   Plastic surgery Allows you the rare opportunity to make your inner appearance resemble your inner appearance. Fake.

   In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage. They make it into television shows.