Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5148 of 6370
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
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02-18-2011 21:25 by seddy90
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Just texted "I still love you" to about 50 random phone numbers.
Who decided to make it a 12 step program for A.A…I mean why steps…I think steps would be the last thing they'd wanna maneuver…
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02-18-2011 18:58
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Oh you want me to "make time" for you? Well, if I could "make time" I wouldn't be wasting that skill on you.
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02-18-2011 18:51
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My panties are so wet right now! Granted they are in the washing machine, but still.
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02-18-2011 18:31
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My friend asked me if his car's blinker worked. I checked and said: yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.
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02-18-2011 18:23 by MR
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President's Day: a day the USA remembers when it had presidents worth celebrating.
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02-18-2011 18:15
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Do you know what it feels like to become insane? It's a war between being told who you are and knowing who you are... Which do you think wins?
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02-18-2011 17:33
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I just got arrested by a drunk cop. He keeps asking why I pulled him over. There's something wrong here.
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02-18-2011 17:17
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I'm not a smartass... Just being around me makes you feel like a dumbass...
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02-18-2011 17:14
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I named my d!ck "Hopes" because I like to keep my hopes up.
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02-18-2011 17:12
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The other day, I read something that made me piss myself. It was a sign, it said "Toilets closed."
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02-18-2011 17:09
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This census and Tax stuff is crap. I want to live in a country that doesn't assign homework.
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02-18-2011 17:01
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Facebook Privacy Settings Tip: See where it says, "Automatically share my personal information with identity thieves, sex offenders and all my psycho exes? Yeah, you're gonna wanna unclick THAT box.
If you send me a "send this back" text, I will send it back to you 100 times.
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02-18-2011 16:39
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it just me, or does "I Am Number Four" just sound like a really bad Brett Favre pickup line?
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02-18-2011 16:30
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FACEBOOK IS A HELL OF A DRUG!!!
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02-18-2011 16:17 by @Steady
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"What is that? A banana? Aw who gives a $hit?" -Disinterested George
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02-18-2011 16:15
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Dear REALLY Cool Car Owner, Seems your car felt the need to take 2 parking spots today…I read once that this is caused by a lack of social skills, so that is why I dinged it up a bit, and left this message via key…just trying to help it ‘fit in'â€
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02-18-2011 15:31 by M.A.C.
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Charlie Sheen has been giving people advice on sobriety. Hmm, that's kind of like Tiger woods or Jessie James giving advice on how to be a good husband.