Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Girls have unique magic tricks, they get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard. 
Usually when a President has a highway named after him he is already dead. I guess the people of Orlando have ESP?
Bad friends are like my cum. Sometimes they get in your face. Sometimes they won't get out of your hair....and sometimes they're all up in your a$$!
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver
If a police ever stops me and says "papers" and I say "scissors" do I win?
11 year old found on plane heading to Rome. Seems the Pope was ordering some take out!
Every time someone votes for Romney/Ryan, an elderly, minority, lesbian veteran gets punched in the uterus.
A group of contradictions is called a “Bible.”
[Jesus at Last Supper] *breaks bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *opens jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna stop you right there
not the same in person.
not even supposed to be here today
Trump University's Most Popular Majors: 1) Lying. 2) Cheating. 3) Stealing.
got gas earlier for $1.39!!! Too bad it was from Taco Bell...
anxiously waiting on my picture of the person i'm going to be supporting under the new obama care health insurance.
playing Russian roulette with an automatic pistol
I guess that extra day of black history month was to much for some monkees
give Tiger and Jesse a break. Obama is screwing the whole country
Obama isn't Jimmy Carter bad, he's worse, he's James Buchanan bad.
defying society's law of average.
Unless someone want's to share, I'm staying single because all the good ones have been taken. 