Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5054 of 6371
sniffing coke and ice cubes got stuck in my nose
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03-17-2011 18:39 by drjay
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wondering how long it took the first humans to realize the first person to die was dead? " Hey man wake up already you are starting to smell."
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03-17-2011 18:31 by CALZ
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Your eyes are red,the beer is green don't party too hard,your not Charlie Sheen!
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03-17-2011 18:28 by John
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time to take out the vibrator. Need my neck and shoulders to start feeling better. What did you think I was going to use it for?
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03-17-2011 17:32 by Solo
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If you are not looking to get pregnant, the pill is the second best thing a girl can put in her mouth to avoid pregnancy
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03-17-2011 17:30 by Solo
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Advice for the Day: Relationships are like farting, if you push too hard, things could get messy real fast
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03-17-2011 17:29 by Solo
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i may be fat but I'm perfectly good at it, boobs on my chest but I like the look of it, fruit and veg may thin my legs, but chips and dips excite me.
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03-17-2011 17:22
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Irish I was drunk right now..
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03-17-2011 17:22
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I will abide by every single law and regulation while driving...not because I'm a good driver, but because there's a COP behind me.
just cut in front of a guy wearing camoflage waiting in a long line and when he said something about it... I told him I didn't see him.
thinks that if I were to become a cannibal, I'd only eat vegetarians, just for the irony
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03-17-2011 16:09 by Solo
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A Lysol commercial just told me to disinfect the things I touch the most. I think this is gonna burn. Makes you wonder... can nipples burn from disinfectant?
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03-17-2011 16:04 by Solo
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As I took it to my lips to taste, my mouth was suddenly overflowing with a creamy filling, my tongue licking as much as I could as fast as I could… God, I love cream donuts
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03-17-2011 16:02 by Solo
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Advice of the day for women: Any woman can have the body of a 21 year old… as long as you buy him a few drinks first. ;)
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03-17-2011 16:00 by Solo
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Food for thought Guys: If you teabag someone that is allergic to nuts, is that considered attempted murder
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03-17-2011 15:55 by Solo
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So technically you are not supposed to EAT meat on Fridays but is it okay to just swallow it?
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03-17-2011 15:55 by solo
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I always call out my boyfriend's name during sex..... Just to make sure he's not around.
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03-17-2011 15:52 by Solo
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How have Hoarders and Antique Roadshow not joined forces yet?
Any time someone tells you they're "about 20 minutes away" they're lying... They haven't left yet.
no green food for me this year! I get enough of that from my own fridge!
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03-17-2011 14:53
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