Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5044 of 6371
Having one of those days where I'm seriously considering swallowing a handcuff key....Just in case.
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03-23-2011 10:51 by Chuck
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Roses are unicorns, violets are green, welcome to the party, I'm Charlie Sheen.
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03-23-2011 10:27
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as a male I kinda get offended when a girl asks me to show her my abs ..Thats kinda like me asking a woman to show me her titts.
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03-23-2011 10:17
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Michael Jacksons twin sister died... R.I.P Elizabeth Taylor...
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03-23-2011 10:13 by boo
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as a male I get offended when a girl asks me if I have abs..thats kinda like me asking a woman what size are her titts ..
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03-23-2011 10:12
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In 2 years, the "situation" will change his name to the "cancellation" followed shortly by the "bankruptcy declaration"
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03-23-2011 10:06
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you know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Elizabeth Taylor dead? I thought she had been dead for years.
Qhaddafi has vowed to defeat the NATO forces. In support of his troops, he has issued them state of the art sling shots and water pistols.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
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03-23-2011 07:20 by smdk
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Why is Obama so interested in "liberating" Libya anyways, is he planning a vacation there?
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03-23-2011 06:57 by Bill
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When someone tries to shoot at Colonel Gadaffi,do his bodyguards need to shout 'Gadaffi duck' ?????
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03-23-2011 06:54
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I wonder if I'll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at every guy on the job and saying, “This thing is broken!!!” (for us females!!! :)
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03-23-2011 06:44 by Hot Tea
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I just found out there is an "acceptable" amount of radioactive iodine in water.
for an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, call your friends, and brag about it!
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03-22-2011 23:21 by tiki
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the blue book value on my car just tripled...I filled the gas tank!
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03-22-2011 22:18 by ff1241
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It's ok to crack your knuckles, just don't knuckle your crack
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03-22-2011 21:45
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I'd mind my own business if yours was a little less interesting
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03-22-2011 20:16 by hovo
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If girls think giving birth is hard try playing call of duty on a laggy server
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03-22-2011 20:15 by hovo
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Copy and paste this as ur status, send it to 3 people in 10 minutes, absolutely nothing will happen! It works! Ive done it twice and both times nothing happened!
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03-22-2011 20:15 by hovo
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