Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just had coffee so black that it looted the silverware from the table.

   I wonder if crematoriums give discount to people who die in a fire?

   Mr. Felipe Calderon, 73% of Americans have a message for you: ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐: ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

   didn't waste his time with Windows and bought a Mac instead. My name's Randee and common sense was my idea

   How do Mexicans cut their pizza? With Little Ceasars *drops mic, Harlem shakes off stage*

   "This wall thing.... It's like a manhood thing with him.... as if manhood can be associated with him." Nancy Pelosi

   Time to remove the little project black boy out of office ASAP !

   What do you call a black guy in a three piece suit? A: Will the defendant please rise?

   I didn't change, I just grew up. You should try it sometime....

   always late. My ancestors arrived on the Juneflower for cryin' out loud!

   If Trump is AIDS in human form, then Obama is the a$$hole he got it from.

   DEAR FACEBOOK, TODAY WOULD BE A GREAT DAY TO PUT A DISLIKE/I HATE THE STEELERS/GO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE STEELERS FAN "BUTTON" Thank you - 95% of the county, hell Canada too....

   If your grandma's furniture is wrapped in plastic... Well it's probably because she's a squirter...

   I'm a gentlemen. I'll hold the door open. Help carry groceries. Tip you for a good bj. Buy you dinner if you let me finish in your ass.

   the moral of the story is never send a white man to do a black mans job...

   Michael Jackson was not DANGEROUS, he may have been a little OFF THE WALL at times but not BAD. When it came to songs and performing he was a THRILLER and a DANCING MACHINE. From his one glove to the Moonwalk, MJ will never be forgotten!

   let the dogs out

   Flat Earthers: "The only thing we have to fear is sphere itself."

   The scariest clown sightings so far have been the 2 running at the top of the Republican ticket.

   I’m hoping the Russians will hack Obama’s Farewell telecast tonight.