Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5035 of 6371
Redneck Word Of The Day-OBAMA: I just wiped my butt OBAMA self
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03-26-2011 16:34
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THINGY (thing-ee) n.. Female- Any part under a car's hood. Male- The strap fastener on a woman's bra
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03-26-2011 16:24
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thinks that anytime a conversation goes silent, you can always start it back up by slapping someones forehead and saying, "Shoulda had a V8".
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03-26-2011 16:22
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State of the Union Drinking Game: Take a shot every time Obama says, "Let me be clear" or "Make no mistake" ...Have an ambulance standing by.
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03-26-2011 16:20
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there may be a me in team.. but, there's 3 u's in "shut the fu*k up"
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03-26-2011 16:13
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My new diet plan consists of watching the show "Hoarders" every time I'm hungry.
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03-26-2011 15:57
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wondering why nobody told me that half my job as mother would be smelling the crotches of things.
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03-26-2011 15:43
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"Yes" is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks I've consumed
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03-26-2011 15:38
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against recycling because it makes me look like a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.
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03-26-2011 15:36
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Some people who copy and paste jokes from other's status messages from other sites are idiots… A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
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03-26-2011 15:32
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if you're drunk and you know it hands your clap.
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03-26-2011 15:22
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Around here you don't lose your girl, you just lose your turn ..
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03-26-2011 14:52 by XBbios
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roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
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03-26-2011 14:50
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WHAT I HAVE LEARNED: 'Hold me closer Tony Danza' sounds better than 'Tiny Dancer'...just say'n.
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03-26-2011 14:29 by brp4
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believe it or not, there's people out there that actually liked "Grease 2"
Just killed a spider for stepping on my shoes.........#ThugLife
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03-26-2011 13:43
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I was focused on getting a beautiful brunette with a great body. Beer goggles sure do correct tunnel vision.
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03-26-2011 13:16
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Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
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03-26-2011 12:44
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Why are there so many First baptist Churches? One of those has to be second, third..........
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03-26-2011 12:42
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Why don't more hunters set up their stands at the deer crossing signs.
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03-26-2011 12:40
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