Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Who are you to doubt God? And Santa Claus? And the Easter Bunny? And...

   Why do all Queers talk like that? I mean all the Lesbians don't talk like a man... I don't get it. They must have something stuck in their mouth.

   Facebook stopped working so some of y’all can get on Indeed.

   I don't mean to sound raci$t but two men should never get married!

   We need a "stable genius" that understands you can call news and people fake but you can't call a virus fake. This fake virus has wiped out more than 50% of the three years of market gains in two weeks. Who you gonna call? Obama busters....

   Spell "IHOP" and say "ness" at the end

   Maybe this 30 days of 100° weather is the change Obama was talking about.

   The economy must be bad. I just saw Micheal J Fox working at Home Depot. He was in the paint department.

   "Egypt.......please don't destroy the pryamids. We won't rebuild them." -- The Jews

   Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question

   an office zombie: Bored to undeath

   gearing up for hot tub season!

   Other countries would fear us more if, instead of a nickname for a holding cell, the "Drunk Tank" were an actual weapon.

   This just in... Lebron James chose Sunny D over the purple stuff!

   thinking about some chicken fried, cold beer, and wearing a pair of jeans that fit just right!

   Welcome to my world:-)...Oh yeah, I forgot..your not in it..:-/

   about to give his doodle dandy a yankee

   Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom

   good one Tim. Though, I think the original was better yesterday morning.

   Stealth Abs - When your ripped six pack is covered by a layer of fat.