Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "That's what." -She

   wonders if  regular squirrels get mad at their parents  when they see a flying squirrel?

   wondering if I can count the voices in my head as dependents on my taxes.

   Why do they always staff the slowest cashier at the express lanes at Walmart??

   Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead??

   I wonder what would happen if I walked through Sea World with a fishing pole...

   Dear Mr underccover police car, I like your 5 extra antennas.

   wondering if the goverment shuts down does that mean we will no longer have to pay taxes?t

   When the Zombies rise, you will be safe. They like to eat brains, and clearly you do not have any!!!!

   wondering if the White house will have a going out of business sale?

   Want to see Congress meet the budget deadline? Lion cages with doors set to release at 12AM. Lock all the doors. Watch the cooperation.

   Everytime a politician says, "my friends on the other side of the aisle," God kills a kitten.

   wishing he had a million dollars so he could buy you a fur coat, but not a real fur coat . that would cruel.

   God grant me the serenity to accept that My Kids will always Drive me Crazy; courage to change their evil ways when I can; and wisdom to know When to walk away So I Wont ring Their neck

   worst pain ever!.... just slipped, did the splits, and ripped my gooch!

   Our school is attempting to be active in eliminating bullying. I began a conversation with students about the saying, "Sticks and stones make break my bones..." One of my students finished the saying with "but chains and whips excite me!" Wow. Thank you,

   Remember the tea kettle, though up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing.

   Hey Facebook, if I have 75 friends in common with someone and we're still not friends, it means I don't like them. Take a hint.

   I'm not cranky, I just have a violent reaction to stupid people.

   I don't believe in neither the Democratic party nor the Republican party. I just believe in parties.