totalpackage Funny Status Messages

   I didn't watch the royal wedding but I had a disturbing dream that Queen Elizabeth and Queen Latifah did a "chest bump" during the nuptuals! :/

   was glad to see it was "peter tweeter" Anthony Weiner's last day in office but I was a bit dismayed when I heard that Gary Busey was slotted as his interim replacement.

   I still can't believe I was cited for running through the park naked when it was clearly evident I had black socks on! ツ

   I'm so glad they brought back the McRib for the Holidays...I always wanted an angioplasty for Christmas! ツ

   Looks like St. Patrick's day can't come soon enough this year for the Irish!

   Congrats to Jack In The Box on their new bacon malt beverage...I'm guessing that one milkshake that WON'T bring "boys to the yard".

   Screw Congress! Me and some drinking buddies have decided we're gonna re-open the government our way!

   The Census Bureau admits to undercounting over a million residents in California.....Congrats to Schwarzenegger for managing to cover up all those illegitimate kids!

   I think the "Situation" should be renamed "Regurgitation" after he stunk up the Donald Trump roast!.

   I noticed a lot of celebrities seem to drown in the bathtub...Perhaps a business that tattoos "industrial grade" sand strips to their asses is in order. I'm looking for investors! ツ

   It's so cold tonight I saw a Rabbi wearing a flannel Yarmulke!

   There's a move to divide California into two states: The state of poverty and the state of bankruptcy.

   I think my girlfriend misunderstood me when I asked if we could go to "the outback" tonight!

   Why the "McRib" which is made from "McAss" and tastes like "McPuke" is so popular, is beyond my comprehension!

   I wish I hadn't watch the "Deadly Women" marathon on the I.D. channel before Thankgiving dinner....The meal is a little harder to enjoy when your inspecting the turkey for aresenic!

   I would like to congratulate Charlie Sheen on his demotion from CBS to TBS...If he keeps progrssing at this pace, his next stop should be "dinner theater" at an L.A. soup kitchen.

   tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save energy....The last time I tried it I ran over a guy on a moped!

   Bye Bye Moammar!.....Hussein☑ Bin Laden ☑ Ghadafi ☑ Nancy Pelosi ☐ ツ

   Record temps again tomorrow....If I can find a lemonade stand, I'll be on it like a hillbilly on his half-sister!

   I plan on rivaling the military with my own explosive version of "shock and awe" this evening!