paulb808 Funny Status Messages

   Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my p*nis".

   Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

   Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.

   she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."

   I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga

   Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint

   My Craigslist hooker turned out to be a man. It has been over an hour and he won't take a hint to leave. He can keep my 200 bucks. This was a poor idea.

   so turns out you CAN use lemon juice to get goats blood off of the curtains

   im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets

   I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my a$$.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M

   i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me

   I miss high school...only there could you hear at ten in the morning...Bro afta shave on my balls was the worst idea ever

   All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

   accidentally turned off his facebook anti crap filter and was scared by the amount of quizzes, farm, fairyland, mafia and virtual f&cking cupcake crap you people post, if it wasn't for facebook purity I would delete alot of you

   My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.

   May God have mercy on my new vibrator.

   I love getting all these "you are soo funny"!" You make me laugh so much!!" Yeah well I can make you moan also status king blah

   Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you, don't kiss an a$$ if it's in the process of $hitting on you

   after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.

   You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.