markf Funny Status Messages

   Wondering if celebrities hang pictures in their homes of famous restaurant owners.

   Last night my refrigerator opened my bedroom door, walked in and stood there and stared at me for a few minuntes, then left and closed the door

   sometimes stops when walking into a store, waiting for the automatic doors to open. Then I realize they aren't automatic.

   just realized you can re-arrange the letters in Federal Stimulus to spell "Failed Result Sum."

   I need an alarm clock with a snooze button that sounds like a pack of snarking wolves.

   thinking they need to rename 'Dancing with the Stars' to 'Dancing with the National Enquirer.'

   heard that Bruce Willis is working on the next Die Hard movie. Working titles are Die Hard: The Colonoscopy or Die Hard: Medicare with a Vengeance.

   heard the bad news that dozens of NYC ambulances are out of service due to snowdrifts piled high in the streets. The good news is there are dozens of lawyers out of service now, too.

   Was late getting to the Super Bowl party and missed the first 15 seconds, but the game was already over.

   supports the elderly by watching the Superbowl Halftime show.

   thinks it's funny that the Carnival cruise ship passengers were complaining about having no showers and eating nothing but Spam and Pop-Tarts. Right now thousands of male computer science majors are trying to find out how to sign up for the next cruise.

   thinks it's funny that Evolutionists believe enough million monkeys will eventually type out a literary work. Facebook has proven this wrong.

   wondering if when geriatrics Roger Daltry and Pete Townshend sing, "Who are you?" it has a whole different meaning now.

   wondering if a butterflies wish they could get a tattoo of a woman on their shoulder.

   Laugh now, but one day you will be so mad when another car cuts you off and you shake your fist out the window at some robot driver

   If David Letterman moves to Canada, does he have to change his last name?

   Wish my Google phone had "I'm Feeling Lucky" button when I want to be the 10th caller.

   If you were at a Beatles tribute concert and you fell and hurt yourself, what would you yell?

   wants to point out that real men don't sparkle.

   dreaming of a 'backcolor=#FFFFFF' Christmas.