jitney Funny Status Messages

   Monday is like a math problem. Add irritation, subtract sleep, multiply problems & divide happiness. I hate Mondays!

   I just heard Beyonce might come back out on the field and sing, "♫♪♫ Can you pay yo Bills?, Yo Stadium Bills....♫♪♫ "

   Welp ladies valentines day is over. Time for the men to go back to being a-holes again.

   Dear paranoid ppl who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, if you do find one, what's your plan?

   since when did "Thats above my pay grade...." has become the acceptable answer at Mcdonalds?

   Her: Your Not listening!!!! Me: How can I listen to you if you dont say the things I want to hear...Woman????

   If I had a penny everytime that I thought about you, my pants would fall down.

   Dear Summer.....where are you going???Why are you leaving me??? Whyyyyyyyy.... All these back to school pics...and and and...school supplies.....and .....school zone lights are flashing again....

   I really, really, really enjoy being off of work.

   Spiderman isnt the only one that gets sticky hands after using the Web all day...... If you know what I mean ;)

   I'm so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..

   LADIES: If you're at the Fair and you're ready to go, start talking to the hottest chick there too. He'll find you immediately.

   There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but to catch them, you must first become a Master Baiter. :))

   Dr. Ruth, the world renowned sex doctor says, dont focus on the sagging, or the belly fat, or the wobbly neck, focus on the sensation after the age of 50.

   So when those annoying Student/Bill Debt collectors call and ask me to verify my information and this call maybe recorded for training purposes....I usually tell em my number recently changed, n give them some other debt collector's number! problem solved

   Oh great now the bill collector is blowing up my phone cuz he thought we got accidentally disconnected....

   Danggggit! Lets just put Louisana on Craiglist! Maybe the French can buy it back.

   I kinda wish I was sober enough to remember what really happened. One moment we was having fun, the next thing I knew, its Monday and I'm getting emails..... R.I.P - Saturday & Sunday

   ME: Wanna go out with me? GIRL: I have a boyfriend. Me: I have a test tomorrow. GIRL: And? ME: Sorry, I thought we were naming things we could cheat on

   Epidemic: Girls who have really good male best friends, but claims they have no man!