cj Funny Status Messages

   The international symbol for marriage is a white flag.

   You never realize what you have until it's gone...toilet paper is a prime example!

   IHOP is like Walmart but with pancakes.

   My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

   1.Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

   I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

   No guy in the history of America has ordered a Smirnoff Ice at a bar without hating himself a little.

   Used to have a life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!

   BREAKING NEWS: This just in from the newsdesk.....Most women are comlplicated.

   The future isn't what it used to be...

   Beauty is only a light switch away.

   Sing out loud in the car even, or especially, if it embarrasses your children.

   Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life:)

   God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.

   After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

   Well well well Mr. Sun, It's about time your lazy a$$ showed up for work!!

   House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.

   Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee.

   A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

   Going to Walmart because Target requires a shower.