Will Funny Status Messages

   Why don't Polish people kill frogs? Because it's their national bird.

   I just read last year 4,153,237 ppl got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

   Cab to go to bar: 30 dollars 4 rounds of beer to get your friend to tell you your ex is now a stripper: 70 dollars The look on your ex's face when you shove a single in her buttcrack: PRICELESS!

   What I like about dogs is you can lock them in the basement over night. And in the morning their glad to see you. Your wife on the other isn't.

   S.C.H.O.O.L. = Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Life

   Happy Thanksgivings...Screw the turkey, I want to stuff my woman...

   Just change the name of my ipod to The Titanic. So whenever I plug it in to my computer it says the titanic is syncing.

   While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

   I bought a car last week. Well, by "bought" I mean "poisoned" and by "car" I mean "my neighbor's dog."

   I wonder who makes the sandwiches in a lesbian marriage?

   Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

   I disliked the Mexican one simply because you put hafta

   How do you know you've found Lebron James' cell phone? It vibrates and receives calls, but doesn't have a ring!

   I hate meeting super fine on Facebook but pugly in real life girls.

   No woman will ever be truely satisfied on valentines day, because no man will ever have a chocolate peni$ that ejacul@tes money.

   Everybody needs to believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer.

   I can't wait to see my girlfriends face in 12 days when I tell her I'm done playing black ops. I'm going to let the happiness soak in for about 2 minutes then turn on modern ware fare 3.

   I hate nerds who coverup their answers. Like come on bro lets work together.

   It's 4:20 on 4/20! Do you know where your bong is?

   Has anyone ever noticed the & symbol looks like a man dragging his a$$ across the floor?