JEBI Funny Status Messages

   My favorite vegetable is bacon...

   I just bought the new vi@gra flavor ice cream...its been 4 hours and it still hasn't melted...

   To the douchebag who pushed me out of the way of the baggage carousel, remember what goes around comes around....

   And the winner for the best reader of a teleprompter award goes to...

   I'm going to have three children.. One girl, named Stacey, so my wife can be Stacey's mom.. And she will have it going on.. One boy named Luke, so I can say "Luke, I am your father." and one more boy named Sparta.. So I can introduce him 'THIS IS SPARTAA'

   If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

   I got this whole Christmas gifting thing on lock!! I bought my mom a fridge for Xmas a few years ago and still to this day every time she opens it....her face lights up

   I just got my foot stuck in my wife's bra. I asked her what kind of boobie trap is this? She laughed and I laughed and she asked me never tell another joke for at least a week...

   I wonder how hard J-LO has to laugh for her ass to fall off?

   Dear Justin Bieber, Just because you have money...doesn't mean that you're mature. Grow up, smarten up, or shut the hell up! Thanks, People

   Operator: 911 what's your emergency? Caller: My wifes going into labor, I don't know what to do. Operator: Is this her first born? Caller: No, this is her husband.

   I think its about time we put the movie 2012 in the comedy section...

   My American friend says he's going to vote for the one who is willing to making the Pringles tubes biggers....as soon as he gets his hand out of one.

   One time I farted so loud in my sleep they had to stop the bus...

   Another pair of my socks are getting a divorce...

   My Oscar speech would begin like this...First and foremost, I would like to thank my legs. Without them I would not be standing here today...

   Next time your bf/gf get mad attach a cape around their neck and say "Now you're super mad!" If they laugh...marry them...

   I just tried on a pair of skinny jeans and accidentally got my balls caught in the zipper and now I know the words to every Bruno Mars song....

   My car was stolen last night..I was going to call the police but then I thought 'nevermind...I'll let him try explain the bodies in the trunk...'

   You must be a Jedi Master...cuz yodalicious....