Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Oh for god sake, just fall in love with me already so I can stop acting normal.

   Tomorrow you'll be able to stop hating people for their political views and go back to hating them for their personality!

   I don't play "Hard To Get" , I play "It's Never Going To Happen"

   It's amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there's a pill available for it.

   My wife's safe word: "Not tonight"

   You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives here.

   Dogs: OMG YOU'RE HOME! I LOVE YOU!!! Cats: greetings human. as you may have noticed, my food bowl is empty...fill it..I'll be on the couch.

   Ghetto word of the day: COLOGNE. Usage: "You think you cologne me a dollar or two?"

   They key to forgiving somebody is to remember that sometimes, you're an a$$hole, too.

   The only good part about reuniting with an ex is that having sex with them doesn't change the number of people you've slept with.

   The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.

   I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.

   You haven't experienced awkwardness and felt like a complete idiot until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish.

   Sometimes when I cut my toenails, I leave them all over the floor just in case ants need to use them as swords when they are at war.

   I carry a gun because I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six.

   Lazy rule: Can't reach it. Don't need it.

   Nike: Just Do It. Crocs: Just Don't.

   I think the best way to prove to an ex that you don't think about them anymore is to write and produce a song saying so.

   Please don't bore your friends with your troubles and worries. Tell your enemies instead, who will be delighted to hear about them.

   I pity those who feel the need to brag about themselves to get people's attention. I hate them more than the scratch on my Lamborghini.