huck Funny Status Messages

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Page: 5 of 22

   messageicon After opening this month's electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
←Rate | 08-27-2013 11:22 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Men who don't understand why their woman is mad at them need to realize the woman doesn't know why either.
←Rate | 09-24-2012 06:29 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
←Rate | 04-26-2015 08:06 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saw a guy with a hook hand and a ponytail. Dude, you cut off the wrong thing.
←Rate | 07-17-2013 12:20 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Got up at 6am. Did yoga. Had a protein shake. Ran six miles. Started lying about everything.
←Rate | 08-31-2012 06:30 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you live by the sword, I guess that's pretty cool. I live by some trees and other houses
←Rate | 12-30-2012 08:19 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kids are more sensitive to bullying these days because they never grew up dealing with the dog from Duck Hunt.
←Rate | 05-26-2013 08:04 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon My ideal job would be "guy in infomercial who is legitimately baffled by simple, everyday tasks"
←Rate | 09-13-2014 10:41 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it "romantic" when Aladdin sings A Whole New World while flying on a carpet but "pathetic" when I sing it while laying on a bath mat?
←Rate | 02-18-2014 07:25 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I get to heaven I hope I don't hear the words, "Just a formality before we let you in, gonna take a look at your Facebook timeline."
←Rate | 02-09-2014 08:42 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
←Rate | 07-10-2012 09:44 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Holding a baby is a great excuse to just openly pass gas without anyone knowing.
←Rate | 10-06-2012 08:08 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon In a bizarre turn of events, erectile dysfunction cases are on the rise.
←Rate | 08-10-2012 08:51 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who work in retail: How do you do it??? I am merely a humble line participant, and I want to choke everyone around me.
←Rate | 05-06-2013 06:20 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
←Rate | 05-12-2015 05:07 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Beauty and the Beast is my favorite story that teaches kids that if you're ugly, hold a girl against her will & she'll eventually love you.
←Rate | 07-15-2012 06:03 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I'm on a 'secure line'
←Rate | 11-07-2013 20:31 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon They say you will eat around 23 spiders in your life, but really you can eat as many as you want. Treat yourself, you deserve it.
←Rate | 03-09-2014 07:30 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
←Rate | 04-17-2014 06:06 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
←Rate | 03-12-2015 05:37 by huck Comments (0)  

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