Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 5 of 6259

   messageicon Am I a good mother, Susan. Susan: My name is Amy.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 01:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If we removed all laws, the crime rate would be 0%.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Laying in bed at 3am and thinking that you should’ve said something different in that argument that you had in 2011.
←Rate | 06-23-2022 01:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate when woman have stupid excuses, I’m tired, I have a headache, I’m on my period, I’m your cousin.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Spanish word of the day: Beach. Joe Biden is China’s little beach.
←Rate | 07-03-2022 06:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Triggered! Go dip your head in some radical raspberry Kool aid and have a cookie. Oh, and logout… your mum will be home soon.
←Rate | 05-28-2022 01:34 by Libtards_Sux Comments (0)  

   messageicon You only live once, so make sure you spend 16 hours a day on the internet desperately seeking validation from complete strangers.
←Rate | 06-15-2022 01:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize that they meant autumn, and not the collapse of civilization.
←Rate | 06-27-2022 03:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just want someone to laugh at my jokes the way that Kamala laughs at questions she can’t answer.
←Rate | 07-01-2022 01:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Those who are capable of tyranny are capable of perjury to sustain it.
←Rate | 05-11-2022 00:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s a fight, a test.
←Rate | 06-10-2022 04:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “Just be yourself, say something nice.” Me: Which one? I can’t do both.
←Rate | 06-20-2022 03:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just failed a captcha test 3 times in a row. I can’t believe this is how I’m finding out that I’m a robot.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 00:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone can have a wank under a sheet, but it takes skill to do it without the hairdresser noticing.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m not here to fit into your world, I’m here to build my own world.
←Rate | 05-14-2022 03:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Coffee: More than four cups and you can talk to electricity.
←Rate | 05-15-2022 02:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never forget where you came from, because that’s probably where you left your phone.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Foreign aid, taking money from poor people of a rich country and giving it to the rich people of a poor country.
←Rate | 05-22-2022 03:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing makes me feel older than when a restaurant makes me scan a QR code to look at their menu.
←Rate | 05-26-2022 06:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Careful creampuff, I drink coffee stronger than your feelings.
←Rate | 06-10-2022 01:42 Comments (0)  

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