Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5 of 6259

Am I a good mother, Susan. Susan: My name is Amy.
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06-08-2022 01:37
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If we removed all laws, the crime rate would be 0%.
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06-16-2022 03:20
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Laying in bed at 3am and thinking that you should’ve said something different in that argument that you had in 2011.
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06-23-2022 01:23
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I hate when woman have stupid excuses, I’m tired, I have a headache, I’m on my period, I’m your cousin.
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06-26-2022 00:15
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Spanish word of the day: Beach. Joe Biden is China’s little beach.
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07-03-2022 06:37
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Triggered! Go dip your head in some radical raspberry Kool aid and have a cookie. Oh, and logout… your mum will be home soon.

You only live once, so make sure you spend 16 hours a day on the internet desperately seeking validation from complete strangers.
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06-15-2022 01:43
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Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize that they meant autumn, and not the collapse of civilization.
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06-27-2022 03:05
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I just want someone to laugh at my jokes the way that Kamala laughs at questions she can’t answer.
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07-01-2022 01:47
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Those who are capable of tyranny are capable of perjury to sustain it.
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05-11-2022 00:53
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Life isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s a fight, a test.
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06-10-2022 04:20
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“Just be yourself, say something nice.” Me: Which one? I can’t do both.
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06-20-2022 03:27
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I just failed a captcha test 3 times in a row. I can’t believe this is how I’m finding out that I’m a robot.
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06-24-2022 00:51
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Anyone can have a wank under a sheet, but it takes skill to do it without the hairdresser noticing.
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06-28-2022 23:47
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I’m not here to fit into your world, I’m here to build my own world.
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05-14-2022 03:26
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Coffee: More than four cups and you can talk to electricity.
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05-15-2022 02:44
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Never forget where you came from, because that’s probably where you left your phone.
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05-19-2022 07:30
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Foreign aid, taking money from poor people of a rich country and giving it to the rich people of a poor country.
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05-22-2022 03:43
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Nothing makes me feel older than when a restaurant makes me scan a QR code to look at their menu.
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05-26-2022 06:07
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Careful creampuff, I drink coffee stronger than your feelings.
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06-10-2022 01:42
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