Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon OK. So Donald Duck never wore pants, but when he steps out of the shower he puts a towel around his waist. What's up with that?
←Rate | 11-09-2018 07:56 Comments (1)  

   messageicon the dentist says I need a crown. I'm like "I know, right? "
←Rate | 11-09-2018 04:27 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The secret to a happy marriage.... Jack Daniels on the rocks
←Rate | 11-08-2018 04:58 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do baby clothes have pockets ?
←Rate | 11-08-2018 04:05 by Corious Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guys the secret to a happy marriage...... "Honey, you're absolutely right."
←Rate | 11-08-2018 02:58 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Untill I got married, I never knew there was a wrong way to put the milk back into the fridge.
←Rate | 11-08-2018 02:26 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon . just like Ty-D-Bol, the blue wave will wash all the crap away.
←Rate | 11-07-2018 20:27 Comments (3)  

   messageicon I told someone that Kansas was dead to me. His reply was 'did it drop another house on your sister'?
←Rate | 11-07-2018 18:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to Disneyland once. It seemed like kind of a Mickey Mouse operation.
←Rate | 11-07-2018 10:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I voted and didn’t take a picture, did I really vote?
←Rate | 11-06-2018 18:53 by BWood Comments (2)  

   messageicon Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
←Rate | 11-06-2018 18:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don't know the man & he doesn't know you're eating his popcorn
←Rate | 11-06-2018 16:32 by drwinkey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I misunderstood the nighborhood MILF when she told me she was heading to the polls. I didn't see her grinding at the strip club.
←Rate | 11-06-2018 14:04 by JW Comments (0)  

   messageicon There is no such thing as a stupid question except maybe "Isn't about time you IRS guys audited my return?"
←Rate | 11-06-2018 11:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon PSA: It is possible to vote then not post about it.
←Rate | 11-06-2018 11:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon . If rocks are to be considered as rifels. Does that mean rock beats paper?
←Rate | 11-06-2018 06:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon . Will space aliens be ask to pay for space force?
←Rate | 11-06-2018 06:02 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Hey kids! Make your voice heard this election day by hiding your parents identification! (Not applicable in some states)
←Rate | 11-06-2018 05:45 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'd just like to congratulate the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table! They're basically everywhere now!
←Rate | 11-06-2018 04:46 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
←Rate | 11-05-2018 13:43 Comments (0)  

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