Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5 of 5977

   messageicon people say people on in life but should they pass on by finding a baby smoochie to a teen
←Rate | 02-09-2019 21:45 by ISeeYou Comments (2)  

   messageicon Met a lady yesterday...It was love at first sight...Then I took a second look !!
←Rate | 02-09-2019 17:36 by DaBull Comments (0)  

   messageicon I ran into my ex the other day...hit reverse...and ran into her again.
←Rate | 02-09-2019 17:31 by DaBull Comments (0)  

   messageicon People on the Left are like an old TV Set. They have to be slapped occasionally to get the picture.
←Rate | 02-09-2019 17:27 Comments (6)  

   messageicon The Early Bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
←Rate | 02-09-2019 16:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you are paying $3.00 for Smart Water, it isn't working.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 21:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon That moment, when your jerk boss says they are resigning. !!!!!!!!!!!!!
←Rate | 02-08-2019 20:19 Comments (1)  

   messageicon People say “the early bird gets the worm.” But everyone freaks out when I drink tequila at 8am
←Rate | 02-08-2019 14:35 by Cicci Comments (1)  

   messageicon I smile at dogs more than I smile at people.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 13:36 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Career advice for young people: be born to filthy rich parents.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 12:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How long do you wait before you introduce your girlfriend to your child? For arguments sake let’s say you’ve been dating for 3 years and the child is 6 weeks old.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 12:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They shouldn't have named it a baggage carousel if they didn't want me to ride it.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 10:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't flick your friends out the car window
←Rate | 02-08-2019 10:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Can I get a coke please?" "Nope is pepsi ok" "Do you do updog?" "What's updog?" " Not much...and no pepsi is not ok".
←Rate | 02-08-2019 10:19 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would rather trust a billionaire who becomes a politician than a politician who becomes a billionaire.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 07:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon With his short term memory he may not remember colluding with putin
←Rate | 02-08-2019 07:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We need to start thinking about the world we'll leave behind for Betty White when we're all gone.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 07:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do you even know what the word "impeach" means? Hint: It does NOT mean getting kicked out of office.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 06:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Honesty is the best policy but it makes for a lousy defense in court.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 06:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone not doing anything except looking at Facebook, or not doing anything because you're looking at Facebook, want to hang out?
←Rate | 02-08-2019 00:14 by Moon Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left