Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon It's safe to assume that more pubes are shaved on February 13th than any other day of the year
←Rate | 02-13-2018 07:41 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon "We be bobsleddin'." The Winter Olympics Bobsled Team
←Rate | 02-13-2018 07:22 by PastaFazool Comments (0)  

   messageicon My main job as a husband is to taste things that my wife thinks smell like they've gone bad and tell her if they taste bad or not.
←Rate | 02-13-2018 07:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
←Rate | 02-13-2018 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't really WANT to make bad choices; but I'm always late and all the good choices are already taken.
←Rate | 02-13-2018 06:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't wait till Feb 15th.........otherwise known as 1/2 price chocolate/Cake day
←Rate | 02-13-2018 03:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I find it very irritating when someone knocks on the door then when you ask who it is they say 'ME' .Like if I knew who it was I wouldn't have asked, Seriously Now!
←Rate | 02-13-2018 03:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why did the Chicken cross the road? To show Possums it can be done!~
←Rate | 02-12-2018 22:21 by Briannnnnnnn Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most teenagers are treated like children. But are expected to act like adults.
←Rate | 02-12-2018 20:01 by Justathought Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m building a wall around Facebook and Your all going to pay for it
←Rate | 02-12-2018 18:07 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Seen a midget carrying a plasma TV to his car and a yelled out, “Hey buddy! Need help carrying that TV?” He shouted, “It’s an iPAD A$$HOLE!”
←Rate | 02-12-2018 16:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you've been working too hard when you keep dialing a 9 while making a call from your home phone.
←Rate | 02-12-2018 14:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
←Rate | 02-12-2018 07:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife caught me cheating yesterday. Was a stupid and careless mistake. She said she's never going to play Monopoly with me again
←Rate | 02-12-2018 07:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food
←Rate | 02-12-2018 07:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of people cry when they chop onions....The trick is to not form an emotional bond
←Rate | 02-12-2018 07:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake
←Rate | 02-12-2018 07:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My guess is that few Children are named Siri or Alexa anymore.
←Rate | 02-12-2018 07:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Word of the Day: Intaxication - That brief period of euphoria you feel between receiving a tax refund and then realizing it was your money to begin with.
←Rate | 02-12-2018 06:59 Comments (4)  

   messageicon I think I'm going to make chocolate covered Tide Pods for Valentine's day
←Rate | 02-12-2018 01:42 by Raylovestrump Comments (1)  

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