huck Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Forgot to close a finger quote. Sorry the last seven years sounded so sarcastic.
←Rate | 11-27-2014 05:41 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
←Rate | 11-23-2014 07:18 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
←Rate | 11-21-2014 05:20 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Preferred Forms of Contact (In Order): 1) Email 2) Text 3) Social Media 4) Group Message 5) entering My Shower in a "Scream" Mask 6) Phone
←Rate | 11-14-2014 13:50 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read a burglar in Nova Scotia fled a crime scene in a canoe. The only way this could be more Canadian is if he was stopped by a police beaver dam.
←Rate | 11-12-2014 05:47 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get the same feeling at the dentist that I get when a cop car is behind me; I haven't done anything wrong, but I feel incredibly guilty.
←Rate | 11-10-2014 11:28 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who else is still wearing their Halloween costume?! Didn't think I'd be keeping it on for days but everyone's really digging me as Pikachu!
←Rate | 11-04-2014 12:00 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's only November 2nd and I'm already seeing Halloween decorations
←Rate | 11-02-2014 08:09 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey smoke detectors, feel free to use that last bit of battery life to continue monitoring fires instead of getting all beepy.
←Rate | 10-29-2014 18:47 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the best age to tell your kids that they have a weak rap game?
←Rate | 10-29-2014 18:38 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't decide what I should be for halloween or any other day
←Rate | 10-29-2014 18:32 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before forming an opinion on an important social topic, ask yourself: what would a completely unqualified millionaire celebrity actor think?
←Rate | 10-28-2014 10:24 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon he instructions for my funeral are for someone to come up front at the end and padlock my coffin shut just to freak everyone out.
←Rate | 10-27-2014 04:42 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today I went to work w/my clothes inside out and had chocolate pudding and popcorn for dinner. Wife has been gone ONE DAY & I am a toddler.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 19:15 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me
←Rate | 10-13-2014 06:34 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
←Rate | 10-10-2014 05:34 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
←Rate | 10-10-2014 05:26 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon In Oregon a Labradoodle was unharmed after falling off a 200 ft cliff. Some suspect that he actually jumped because of the name "Labradoodle".
←Rate | 10-08-2014 21:24 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
←Rate | 10-01-2014 05:24 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
←Rate | 09-30-2014 05:28 by huck Comments (0)  



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