g0re Funny Status Messages

   Saw a baby shirt that said, "Sh!t my pants, took a nap and sucked on some titties...how was your day?"

   y r men thinkers and women talkers? because men have two heads and women have four lips.

   If you and your gf/bf traded phones for one day, would you still be together when the day was over?

   I hate it when I get into an argument with my mom and then later I here her talking about it on the phone and I'm just sitting there like.....no that's not how it happened. -__-

   Alright, buddy, stop scrolling, its time to wipe that as$

   Shower = 27 min. 2min. = Wash and rinse body. 25 min. = Reflection and deep thoughts about the origin of life and the universe.

   FLOWERS: $50....DINNER: $75....HOTEL: $199....the look on his face when she tells him, "I'm on my period": PRICELESS.

   What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life And you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.

   on a scale from 1-10, you're a 9 and I'm the 1 you need...

   I sell drugs to fat people. It sounds better than "I work at McDonalds."

   Why is that girls in tamp0n commercials dance and laugh? Shouldn't they be revving chainsaws and burn!ng sh!t down?

   The hardcore way to eat ramen: 1) Boil water 2) Eat block of ramen 3) Drink boiled water 4) Snort flavored powder 5) Fu*k B!tches.

   1600's: "Oh Dearest Romeo, I write to inform you I have received your letter and I've been left quite speechless" 2011: " K "

   Your such a slut. The only reason you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.

   Dear whoever is reading this, you're beautiful and someone out there is crazy about you. So smile. Life is too short to be unhappy.

   .I texted my girlfriend saying who sang 'Party Rock Anthem'. She replied 'LMFAO'. I don't get what's so funny?

   .I hate it when celebrities get on TV and tell us to donate to some fund… B!tch, you make 12 million a movie & I make $12/hr. You send money..

   Friend 1: Guys my wife wants to have 3 kids cuz of the 3 musketeers. Friend 2: Well my wife wants to have 7 because of the 7 dwarfs. Me: Guys I gotta go... my wife was watching 101 dalmations..

   I was so drunk last night when I got to the bottom of the stairs I took off my shoes, coat, top, pants and boxers as slowly as I could. I crept upstairs very quietly, it was only when I got to the top of the stairs I realised I was on the f*cking bus!

   Got caught jerking off while sniffing my friends sister's panties yesterday.... Wouldn't have been so bad but she was still wearing them at the time. He went f*cking ballistic! Made the rest of her funeral very awkward for both of us.