Hiyourjon Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon it called NASCAR because that's the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car?"
←Rate | 07-12-2013 11:21 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every day is free Slurpee day if you own a shotgun.
←Rate | 07-11-2013 12:37 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Elisabeth Hasselbeck is going to Fox News, which will be a better use of her skills, such as "having a face" and "being wrong about things"
←Rate | 07-11-2013 12:01 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Very hard explaining to a 4yo how paper beats rock. None of us likes it, that's just the way it is, but we accept it and move on.
←Rate | 07-06-2013 12:10 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon One time I was stranded on a kitchen island for 4 years. It was delicious.
←Rate | 07-06-2013 10:11 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Politicians should have to wear NASCAR jumpsuits so that we know which corporations sponsor them.
←Rate | 07-05-2013 22:54 by HiYourJon Comments (2)  


   messageicon Every year for Halloween, Kanye West dresses up as Kanye West.
←Rate | 07-05-2013 22:52 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whats the worst thing you can do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet...
←Rate | 07-03-2013 10:08 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Michelle Obama. The White House is NOT like a prison. American citizens can visit prisons.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 21:29 by HiYourJon Comments (1)  


   messageicon Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
←Rate | 07-02-2013 17:02 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon hmm I think i'll have a small snack *eats an apple, a packet of cookies, a small couch, the whole living room, a saudi arabian family of 4*
←Rate | 07-02-2013 13:40 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My three favorite shows about murderers are Dexter, Hannibal, and SportsCenter.
←Rate | 07-01-2013 12:38 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my Word.
←Rate | 06-30-2013 15:51 by HiYourJon Comments (1)  


   messageicon I've already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I'm gonna "come on down" whether they call my fuckíng name or not.
←Rate | 06-29-2013 23:47 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads
←Rate | 06-29-2013 23:39 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend. Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.
←Rate | 06-29-2013 21:25 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please stop praying for my grandpa you are making him too strong. He broke out of the hospital & cops say their tasers don't work on him :(
←Rate | 06-28-2013 13:47 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon *christopher walken giving tour of apt* this is my.. walken closet. and these boots. these boots were made.. *long unnecessary pause* for walken
←Rate | 06-28-2013 10:56 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon first rule of fight club is no fighting. welcome to contradicton club everyone have a seat and dont have a seat. also this isnt contradicton club
←Rate | 06-28-2013 10:52 by hiyourjon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
←Rate | 06-26-2013 22:48 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  




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