BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Love can be such a beautiful torture...

   When in a relationship, a real man doesn't make his woman jealous of others, he makes others jealous of his woman

   My girlfriend just said that I put sports before our relationship. Bull$hit. It’s our sixth season together.

   Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.

   I swear I am tired of Hearing SOME Females be like: I am mixed with Black, Dominican, White and Indian. Shut your Ass up you are sounding like a damn science experiment to me.

   Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.

   If I was in that Malaysian airplane my wife would find it in 10 minutes..

   When the girl working the counter says “would you like fries with that?” say..”are you calling me fat??” then burst into tears. Free meal.

   I don’t have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow

   I think I just saw the Mucinex family walking out of Wal-Mart.

   It scares me that some of you have children.

   I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”

   At my age, Friends with Insurance Benefits sounds just as appealing.

   The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

   Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.

   Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drink get colder. Music gets louder. Night get longer. Life gets Better.

   "She's so ugly, how does she have a boyfriend?"... Maybe she has an amazing personality and her boyfriend isn't a judgemental c%nt like you.

   People glorify being single because you can sleep with anyone you want. In reality you can only sleep with the people who want to sleep with you. That’s a very different number.

   1920: “May I have this dance?” 1950: “Want to go to the drive-in?” 1980: “What’s your sign?” 2014: “Here’s a picture of my dong.”

   Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.