scottyp Funny Status Messages

   I cant wait until 2016 so that I can learn through FB what country Hillary Clinton was really born in and what type of tyrantical gvmt she's associated with and how fast she plans to go door to door to take everyones hand guns..

   I used to be a people person......but people fckued that all up...

   "Lucy, in the sky, with diamonds"~~John Lennon....world's worst Clue player

   Wow it's hot outside....I was only out there for 10 minutes and I was wetter than Kim Kardashian at the BET Awards...

   To all of you expecting Mothers.....happy Labor Day.....

   To this day it still upsets me that all of those times that Forest Gump was separated from his true love, he never ONCE thought to pick up a phone and dial 867-5309.......

   We would like to thank the NY Giants for their participation in the 2013 NFL season. Please pick up your consolation prize at the door on your way out. Thank you

   Obama leaned in, pointed to German Chancellor Angela Merkel, and murmured, "I tapped that." #NSA

   I've really never been able to walk the walk or talk the talk, but if you need someone to drink the drink, I might be just the one you're looking for..

   My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he's a lamp...what does he know....

   When you're dead, it's really, really, easy for you.....I mean you don't know,,,,it's just hard on others...same thing when you're stupid....

   HOW TO TWERK.... STEP 1.....Reconsider...

   "It was consensual, the crab legs wanted to be stolen"~~Jamies Winston's attorney...

   Johnny Manziel joins Cleveland Browns... is sacked three times trying to get off the stage....

   Donald Sterling, Solange, and Michael Sam walk into a bar,,,,who am I kidding, Donald Sterling would NEVER was into a bar with either of them.....

   I bet Shaquille O'neil hates to sign anything, "Love,Shaq".....because the B52s pretty much ruined that for him...

   This one time, I had a goldfish that could totally break dance on my carpet..........but only for about 20 seconds...

   Wayne Gretzky's son has opened a Parmesan cheese factory and it's ranked number 1 in the world.......He will now go down in history.....forever known as, "The Grate One"......

   I finally got around to reading 50 Shades of Grey and I don't see what the big deal is.....I mean its no different then all of the other Sherwin Williams brochures that I've looked through......

   Dear Life...Would you at least start using lubricant....