SEAN Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon a new postage stamp shaped like a vAjAy was introduced yesterday but it's not selling well cos only 5% of men know how 2 lick it properly!
←Rate | 06-17-2011 17:53 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Those people who think that a woman's place is in the kitchen obviously never had my ex-wife's cooking....
←Rate | 06-27-2011 08:19 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon After I won my divorce trial I FEDexd my ex-wife's attorney a consolation prize of a broom and a witches hat.
←Rate | 07-01-2011 10:36 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon How can a slim chance and a fat chance mean the same thing
←Rate | 07-09-2011 09:44 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon every time I see a mattress strapped to the top of a car I think its a prosty making house calls.
←Rate | 07-11-2011 14:06 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who can't find happiness aren't in a liquor store
←Rate | 07-11-2011 14:11 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon the moment when your channel surfing and power rangers pop up and you think to yourself wow I used to watch a group of teenagers in tights beat up people in monster outfits
←Rate | 07-12-2011 07:57 by Sean Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of people constantly complain about Monday's, Tuesday's and Wednesday's being the worst part of the week, I have discovered that with the right mix of Jack Daniels and sleeping pills those days no longer have to happen.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 11:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I get hit on by so many cougar, the discovery channel & Antiques road show offered me my own show called Vintage Gash Hunter
←Rate | 07-29-2011 13:44 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon So...... Stub Hub isn't a dating site for quadriplegics?
←Rate | 08-11-2011 09:57 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Few things broadcast one's idiocy like driving a car that has wheels that look like they cost more than the car itself
←Rate | 08-11-2011 09:57 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just once on "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition", I'd like to hear someone in the family say, "This isn't quite what I had in mind
←Rate | 08-11-2011 10:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Going to watch the True Blood finale now. After watching the Tea Party debate, I need to experience something closer to reality
←Rate | 09-14-2011 16:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
←Rate | 09-15-2011 09:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
←Rate | 09-15-2011 14:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
←Rate | 09-15-2011 14:01 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate when people see me at the super market & the're like "Hey what you doing here?" & I'm just like "Oh you know hunting zebras"
←Rate | 09-20-2011 10:18 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a cop pulls you over for doing 32 in a 30, I dont advise calling him a Nazi, unless you are looking for 3 square meals a day and a shower, fml
←Rate | 09-20-2011 17:53 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon 4 shots of 5 hour energy this morning, not only do I look like I have Parkinsons, but I can actually see sound waves resonating when people talk to me.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 08:14 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon My ex offered me a ride to the appointment, I declined and politely told her that I didn't think we would both fit on her broom...
←Rate | 10-19-2011 08:46 by SEAN Comments (0)  

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