lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My next door neighbour's battery went in his Smart car today. I had to give him a jump start from my iPod.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 13:54 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The two kinds of people at every party are those who want to go home and those who don't. Trouble is, they're usually married to each other.
←Rate | 04-11-2010 08:31 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
←Rate | 09-27-2010 12:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why don't refrigerators have a milk dispenser next to the water in the door? You could just hold your cereal bowl under it and push the button.
←Rate | 08-23-2010 13:24 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon An office Christmas party is not a good time to ask the boss for a raise. Wait until the next day when you have pictures.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 15:17 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If "fire" didn't rhyme with "desire" and "right" with "tonight" most Boy Bands wouldn't be able to write a song.
←Rate | 04-22-2010 05:01 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love your approach. Now let's see about your departure.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 14:23 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Googled "Gary Oldman" and got some pretty disturbing images - he's really let himself go, I thought. Then I realised I'd left the "R" out.
←Rate | 04-10-2012 07:34 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon I will never forget what my dear old Grandad said to me just before he kicked the bucket.He said, "Sarah... how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
←Rate | 09-07-2010 13:25 by lemonpillow Comments (3)  


   messageicon Definition of mixed emotions: seeing your mother-in-law go over a cliff in your brand new Porsche.
←Rate | 03-03-2010 12:48 by Lemonpillow Comments (3)  


   messageicon Sunday marks the birth of America, which Americans celebrate by combining their love of drinking with their love of explosives.
←Rate | 07-03-2010 08:36 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are more opposed to fur than leather because it's easier to harass old ladies and supermodels than argue with motorcycle gangs.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 08:44 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon Egyptian Pres. Mubarak refuses to heed calls to step down. He seems to be in denial--which coincidentally is where his body will be found if he doesn't resign.
←Rate | 02-01-2011 19:16 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 11:18 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wouldn't need Facebook if there was a website that just told me whether or not my exes got fat.
←Rate | 07-25-2010 10:01 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon I have no sense of proportion. Which causes me big problems. Or small ones. I'm not sure
←Rate | 04-15-2010 13:47 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tip to reduce weight: first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right, repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
←Rate | 07-09-2010 01:57 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon Don't worry about what other people think because they rarely ever do.
←Rate | 10-20-2010 15:14 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The good thing about multiple personalities is that if you collect enough of them you're prepared for any situation
←Rate | 11-11-2010 14:33 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon "you gotta laugh.. sometimes its the only weapon you got" - Roger Rabbit
←Rate | 01-25-2010 02:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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