Snotty Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I Just saw a tumbleweed roll past my last post
←Rate | 10-17-2012 20:05 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always take a number at the deli, and I've been keeping them.... Eventually I'll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn
←Rate | 05-24-2013 08:01 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn't made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 19:08 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
←Rate | 09-14-2014 18:01 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really have no idea what a Kardashian is but,,,, From what I can gather, it's an exercise bike for basketball players.
←Rate | 09-28-2012 18:22 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anyone's interested,, I'll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 3 pm on, until I'm removed by security.
←Rate | 05-06-2012 18:59 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
←Rate | 04-06-2015 19:06 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
←Rate | 11-05-2013 13:02 by snotty Comments (2)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 07:18 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm ABSOLUTELY positive I'd accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.
←Rate | 09-06-2014 09:32 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, read, my jokes, like William, Shatner.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 06:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I glued the TV remote to my wife. I'm expecting her to go missing any second now.
←Rate | 08-06-2013 08:44 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
←Rate | 08-10-2013 10:06 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Even if they sold ten-ply toilet paper, I would still fold it at least twice,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I have trust issues.
←Rate | 06-21-2013 18:10 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The inventor of the doorbell OBVIOUSLY did not own a chihuahua
←Rate | 08-06-2012 12:30 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man's ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
←Rate | 12-07-2012 16:49 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That's not my waiter
←Rate | 03-26-2013 21:58 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert
←Rate | 10-17-2012 22:57 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so old... I grew up in an era where you had to go to channel 3 to play video games.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 20:08 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing
←Rate | 01-11-2012 17:49 by snotty Comments (0)  



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