SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
←Rate | 04-11-2014 15:51 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had dinner with a girl tonight! Ok so maybe she was on the tv, but we were eating at the same time so I'm counting it.
←Rate | 10-25-2011 17:16 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Patience" is what parents have when there are witnesses
←Rate | 12-07-2011 13:37 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
←Rate | 10-30-2013 10:36 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a headache so I took a pill that gave me chest pains, dry mouth, restless leg syndrome & explosive diarrhea. But hey, headache's gone.
←Rate | 01-09-2012 15:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lindsay Lohan should at least have to spend as much time in jail as we have to spend hearing about it.
←Rate | 11-30-2011 11:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off everything and let the problem solve itself
←Rate | 03-08-2011 13:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon “You’re beautiful the way you are, ladies. Just kidding, you need to buy this stuff.” – commercials
←Rate | 08-20-2013 11:08 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
←Rate | 06-13-2013 09:09 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scared the postman by going to the door naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 14:54 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always carry $100,000 cash on you at all times in case you ever feel like getting a sandwich from an airport.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 14:59 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon No I didn't want a receipt but now that you've asked me I'm suspicious, so yes, I will have that receipt now please.
←Rate | 01-24-2012 17:37 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I'm doing nothing right now... it's totally possible.
←Rate | 02-02-2012 14:28 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon anything is pocket sized if your ass is big enough
←Rate | 12-19-2011 16:57 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the additional pot that was on the stove after I thought I was done washing the dishes, I hate your stinkin' guts.
←Rate | 08-21-2012 15:44 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
←Rate | 08-06-2012 11:16 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Homeless people wouldn't be half as poor if they didn't waste all of their money on sharpies and cardboard.
←Rate | 12-18-2011 10:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those people who think that a woman's place is in the kitchen obviously never had my ex-wife's cooking....
←Rate | 06-27-2011 08:19 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congrats to Jay Cutler, soon to be Dad... Just goes to show that he cant get protection on or off the field.
←Rate | 01-24-2012 17:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  



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