MTQ Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I like my girls like I like my cheese. F@t free American singles.
←Rate | 12-31-2012 20:55 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe it's already January 2nd. I mean really, where has the year gone?
←Rate | 01-02-2013 03:52 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Florida: Those computerized hurricane forecast models are ridiculous. You could give a 4 year old a map and a crayon, and they'd come up with something almost as inaccurate.
←Rate | 08-23-2011 07:02 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of my first jobs job was at an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.
←Rate | 08-28-2011 10:24 by MTQ Comments (1)  


   messageicon Congrats on your move out to LA. Now your chances of becoming a big star are only 1:9,575,972,204,712.
←Rate | 11-22-2011 09:56 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies: Today marks the start of Occupy My Bed Week.
←Rate | 11-25-2011 07:25 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone you're on the phone with says, "Uh huh" for no apparent reason...you know there's another person there that just whispered to the person you're talking to, "Is it that assh*le?"
←Rate | 12-30-2011 23:07 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎2012 has arrived on schedule. Please wait until the New Year has come to a complete STOP before unfastening your seatbelts....
←Rate | 01-01-2012 00:16 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
←Rate | 08-13-2011 01:10 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon My daughter told her mother that a kid in class showed her his peck*r. My wife flipped. My daughter said it reminded her of a peanut, so my wife asked her if it was small. My daughter said, "No, salty."
←Rate | 11-30-2011 10:23 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Umm...you people who live up north whining about the cold weather umm....you umm live up north.
←Rate | 03-29-2013 11:15 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Where are all these hot women in actual real life that I see on facebook?
←Rate | 09-21-2011 03:28 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sick of all this Wiccan stuff. As far as I'm concerned, they're still food stamps.
←Rate | 04-13-2013 08:07 by MTQ Comments (1)  


   messageicon Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
←Rate | 06-14-2011 12:55 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mayans=Early Mexicans. A culture who couldn't come up with a cuisine that went beyond using the same 7 ingredients, yet alone calculate the end of time.
←Rate | 12-22-2012 00:37 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women are 60% water, 20% makeup, 10% clothing, 8% shoes, and 1% hairspray. That leaves 1%, yet they demand 100% of men's attention.
←Rate | 04-23-2013 19:29 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a girl with a belly ring. She must've weighed 400 lbs. That belly ring turned out to be a hitch.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 10:55 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know who I can't stand? Flo from Progressive and Jared from Subway. I wish they'd hook up, then drive off a cliff while choking on a five dollar footlong.
←Rate | 12-09-2011 19:43 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Further proof the Mayans were right. Hostess goes bust while Little Debbie flourishes.
←Rate | 11-16-2012 11:28 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are no "good people"....Only good bullsh*tters.
←Rate | 12-11-2011 22:57 by MTQ Comments (0)  




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