Huck Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Got up at 6am. Did yoga. Had a protein shake. Ran six miles. Started lying about everything.
←Rate | 08-31-2012 06:30 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
←Rate | 11-23-2014 07:18 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you live by the sword, I guess that's pretty cool. I live by some trees and other houses
←Rate | 12-30-2012 08:19 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn't in a band any more.
←Rate | 11-05-2012 06:14 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon After opening this month's electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
←Rate | 08-27-2013 11:22 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kids are more sensitive to bullying these days because they never grew up dealing with the dog from Duck Hunt.
←Rate | 05-26-2013 08:04 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon My ideal job would be "guy in infomercial who is legitimately baffled by simple, everyday tasks"
←Rate | 09-13-2014 10:41 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon My exercise tape is just various clips of me driving past the gym.
←Rate | 04-13-2015 13:00 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey people still doing fireworks. My dog hates you.
←Rate | 07-07-2013 15:53 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it "romantic" when Aladdin sings A Whole New World while flying on a carpet but "pathetic" when I sing it while laying on a bath mat?
←Rate | 02-18-2014 07:25 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I get to heaven I hope I don't hear the words, "Just a formality before we let you in, gonna take a look at your Facebook timeline."
←Rate | 02-09-2014 08:42 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
←Rate | 05-22-2013 06:31 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
←Rate | 09-22-2012 08:26 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
←Rate | 01-24-2014 05:22 by Huck Comments (2)  

   messageicon My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting drunk.
←Rate | 07-10-2014 05:23 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think this years elections were nasty think of the ones in thirty years when all of the candidates had a Facebook their entire life.
←Rate | 12-24-2012 06:46 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Auld Lang Syne" is too good to save for New Year's — I like to pump that jam in the middle of summer, with the top down
←Rate | 12-31-2013 10:00 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Holding a baby is a great excuse to just openly pass gas without anyone knowing.
←Rate | 10-06-2012 08:08 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon In a bizarre turn of events, erectile dysfunction cases are on the rise.
←Rate | 08-10-2012 08:51 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
←Rate | 05-12-2015 05:07 by huck Comments (0)  

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