Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4984 of 6370
So... after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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04-12-2011 22:28
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I solve many of my problems by simply ignoring them
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04-12-2011 22:28 by BEGO
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After 10 Dos Equis beers, I think I'm the most interesting man in the world
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04-12-2011 22:27 by BEGO
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I took everything with a grain of salt and now I have hypertension.
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04-12-2011 22:22
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Spring makes every day feel like you're stuck in the office on a Friday afternoon.
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04-12-2011 22:22
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Had Maury Povich been in Star Wars, we would have known who the father was a lot sooner
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04-12-2011 22:21
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I crack open a beer and get on facebook when I have nothing else to do....and also when I have something else to do....
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04-12-2011 20:48
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I run with scissors. It makes me feel dangerous.
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04-12-2011 20:46
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The early worm gets the bird. ┌∩┐(◕_◕)┌∩┐
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04-12-2011 20:38 by Gman
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If the internet is the superhighway... Facebook is that bad accident backing up traffic for miles because everyone can't help staring at it.
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04-12-2011 20:37 by Gman
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Don't steal. The government hates competition.
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04-12-2011 20:36
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“Oprah's Secret” sounds like a new line of plus-sized lingerie.
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04-12-2011 20:36 by Gman
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Dont you hate when you lying to somebody and someone else come out of nowhere like "oh yeah, I heard about that"..... lol.... NO you didnt, cause I made it up!!!
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04-12-2011 20:35
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My ex and I were together for 7 years. Evidently I broke a mirror.
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04-12-2011 20:35 by Gman
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The Netherlands have 800 miles of massive dikes? That's one hell of a parade.
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04-12-2011 20:34 by Gman
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Just say yes to boobies. There's no other way to go :D
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04-12-2011 20:22
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Just found out a human kidney is worth up to 100,000 dollars. On an unrelated side note, party with free alcohol at my house this weekend.
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04-12-2011 20:09
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Somehow, hitting the 'end call' button on the cell phone just doesn't feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
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04-12-2011 19:53 by scottyp
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After hearing the news that an AirFrance jumbojet clipped a Delta Airlines plane, France immediately surrendered.
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04-12-2011 18:47 by Gil
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If at first you do succeed, try something harder