Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4979 of 6371
Drunk people run stop signs. High people wait for them to turn green.
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04-14-2011 22:29 by BEGO
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If Obama really wanted to impress me, he'd somehow combine Missouri & Oregon to make a "Show me your beaver" state.
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04-14-2011 19:50 by Gman
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really starting to believe that my bosses 'other car' is a broomstick
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04-14-2011 19:40
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oh the pain, hurts so good, I almost get breathless, so so hot baby, got to be the best hot wings ever
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04-14-2011 19:34
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If next Friday , the Friday before Easter has always been known as Good Friday ( Which sort of bothered me because it was far from a Good Friday for our Crucified Savior) shouldn't the Friday before Palm Sunday be known at least as Mediocre Friday?
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04-14-2011 19:06
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I just watched a mattress commercial where the lady said, "It feels really good, no matter what position I'm in".....Why can't I meet a woman like that????
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04-14-2011 19:04 by scottyp
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If your man enough to hit it, your mand enough to take care of it.
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04-14-2011 18:48
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Hey I like how you do your makeup! Really? Thanks :) Ya do you just dip your face in or use a brush?
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04-14-2011 18:31 by hovo
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wishes the movie concession stand would give her enough snacks to last after the trailers are over...
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04-14-2011 17:58
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Well I was gonna donate blood until the lady got all personal and started asking "who's blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
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04-14-2011 17:32 by bubba
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What if love was like volleyball... all you have to do is call 'MINE!' and everyone else backs off...
Sometimes I wish I could delete other people's Facebook Status updates.
"Kidnapping" is such a strong word... I prefer to say "surprise adoption."
Stevie Wonders first text message: "lajjeoijalfweap'ojiejreojafjaoa;jfoweajaofjaofji"
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04-14-2011 16:39
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My Friends Told Me To Get A Life,Instead I Got A Wife And Now I Miss My Life.........
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04-14-2011 15:53
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What Do Roads And Women Have In Common...."Manholes"
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04-14-2011 15:52
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When I'm using Facebook mobile I always tag myself in my bed with 2 randcom chicks on my friends list.
I met with my new girlfriends father for the first time yesterday. The first thing I said to him was, "Sir, you and me have something in common.." "What's that son?" I replied "Your daughter calls us both Daddy"
I'm thinking of converting my car to steam power. I think if I actually burned the $1 bills I'd get more bang for my buck.
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04-14-2011 15:36 by Mike M
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If gas gets any more expensive, I'll have to file for tankruptcy!