Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I didn't know why everyone was making such a big deal about LGBT. I've been putting guacamole on my BLT for a long time now. I have now problems with it.

   Why are there so many old, retired men in church? They're cramming for the final.

   Kayne West says slavery was a choice for the blacks. Yeah, Kanye is real normal alright.

   Space ISIS is coming after us!

   There are 3 unwritten rules fop a good life. #1.........................#2........................ #3.........................

   OK. Who is the genius that decided to call it "Toilet Paper" and not "Butt Napkins"?

   my left ovary feels sore. like it was working out. I guess I would say its ovary active.

   I'm so old when I was a kid the only kind of positive post we knew was on a car battery.

   Ask Alexa "Do (state a color or race) lives matter?" and listen to the different responses...

   Women used to throw their underwear at Elvis Presley. If he were alive today, they'd be throwing their Depends.

   Seriously… The Chick-fil-A drive-through workers could’ve counted these votes by now… and they’d give you a “my pleasure!“ while doing it. 😐

   I know some surfer chicks who started a prostitution ring. They call themselves the Wavy Lays.

   It’s always the same old story. I meet a woman, things are going great, then my puppet starts screaming

   Corned beef and cabbage this.

   Not only do we get a new James Bond, but he will now require a Visa to do missions in Europe.

   Reading red meat is bad for you so i'm giving up reading

   America: Diet coke, large pizzas.

   What's so bad about the Zika virus anyway? Some people like a little head.

   Usain Bolt is the world's fastest man, but if they had a sex olympics my husband would be in the hunt for the title.

   Jimmy Fallon is boring.