Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4928 of 6446

Sorry I shot your minivan, but it's hunting season and it had antlers.
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12-11-2023 11:22
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When Lady Gaga logs onto her computer it says ...... "You've got mail........genitals!!!!"
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02-17-2011 13:35
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love Independence Day! But it pales in comparison to my Dependence Day, that is the day I decided to depend on God and not myself. Talk about true freedom!
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07-02-2010 07:20
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A. B. C. D. E. F. G. Someone should've told you not to fu ck with me
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05-03-2010 23:21 by one
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hmm..could the bill be that bad..starting to wonder if its the bill or is it just Mr Obama they dont like..
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03-29-2010 22:21
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While speaking at an African leadership summit yesterday, Sleepy Joe accidentally referred to Africa as a country instead of a continent. To be fair, most of what he knows about Africa is based on “The Lion King.”
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08-07-2023 10:43
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Dear, Sheep. Bear in mind that the medical health experts sounding the alarms concerning how we handle this epidemic, are the same people who can't figure out whether eggs are good or bad for you.
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03-24-2020 13:03
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Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal.
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10-02-2020 10:20
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You can tell that this is a rough situation for Tiger Woods and that it has him really tee'd off. I hope he gets a grip soon and irons everything out.
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12-01-2009 09:31
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doesn't believe "meat curtain" is an appropriate reference for a woaman's parts. But he has to admit, an Arby's "Big Montana" bears a striking resembelance.
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12-05-2009 09:51 by Tim
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I feel bad for people that don't drink, because when they get up in the morning that is as good as you are going to feel all day!!

Man who walks through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
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03-14-2010 13:24
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My dog can lick his own balls. Seriously, I don't care how many times he makes those puppy dog eyes at me.
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07-29-2010 14:45
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wondering why a whole damn airplane isn't made out of the same material as the undestroyable black box?
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11-01-2010 17:17
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"Hi, one ticket for 'The Social Network,' please."
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11-02-2010 23:11 by Aaron
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Confucius say, "Elevator smell different to midget."
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10-19-2010 23:50
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All the problems in out country right now and our President is playing more golf than Tiger Woods!!! FML.
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06-03-2010 23:41 by Mile
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Be patient girls, Cinderella didn't find her Prince Charming till the end.
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12-12-2010 19:54
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Have you ever seen a Duck eat a Tiger? Watch ESPN Monday night.....
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01-06-2011 10:43
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what a lame bar...the drinks are weak, the mucis sucks, and all the women are like "I'm busy", "What do you want?", or "this is pottery class, sir!"...jeeze...