Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   “When it Absowutewy, Positivewy has to be thewe ovewnight." ~ FuddEx

   Today I realised that I am spending too much time chatting... someone told me a really funny joke... and I almost said LOL instead of laughing!

   True fact of the day: On March 13, 1781 Uranus was discovered ........ ha ha Uranus

   Happy first Sunday following the full moon that occurs on or following the Vernal Equinox!

   USA has confirmed the death of Osama Bin Laden. See what they're capable of when the Playstation Network is down?!

   Saw a guy in a Prius run out of gas... instead of giving him a ride,I sent him positive energy & world peace cause that means more to him.

   Who remembers when we had a census of a coming ice age, so the government & EPA made all vehicles get catalitic converters that made cars get less milage & use more gas, which made more pollution so we had to stop acid rain,&ozone holes. SCIENCE RULES lol

   Crying about the NFL and not focusing on anything else is suppose to make America great again?

   If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, do I still need a logging permit?

   I'd wait in line to slap you for waiting in line for the new iPhone.

   Other than the economy, climate, civil rights, and security, we're going to be fine.

   Elvis Presley moved Priscilla to his house when she was 14 years old. Where's the outrage over this?

   "Where the hell are all the moths coming from?" -- Thomas Edison 1879

   While watching him give a speech on TV, I increased the brightness but it didn't work.

   Today, my friend from school was saying how her 'nano' died. I quickly responded by saying "so? recharge it." Turns out she didn't say 'nano', she said 'nana'. dammit....

   Me? Behave? Seriously... As a child I saw Tarzan strolling naked. Cinderella arrived home after midnight. Pinocchio told lies. Aladdin was a thief. Batman drove over 200 miles an hour. Snow White lived in a house with 7 men. It's not my fault!

   Lots of Catholics are crazy upset about Lennay Kekua being fake. Wait'll they find out about Jesus.

   Sorry there will be no April Fools day prank coming out of the white house. They already did by putting Trump in office.

   love Independence Day! But it pales in comparison to my Dependence Day, that is the day I decided to depend on God and not myself. Talk about true freedom!

   A. B. C. D. E. F. G. Someone should've told you not to fu ck with me