Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They say Osama was buried at sea because the U.S. would not have wanted there to be a grave site for fear of it turning into a place of worship for bin Laden's followers. I sure hope that all of his followers go to visit him at his place of burial

   Chloroform makes a fine cologne... Every girl falls for me

   If men can go around joggin shirtless... I believe "SOME" women should be able to do the same as well!

   I tried to play uno with my mexican friend's but they kept stealing the green cards

   the best part of waking up on Sunday morning after heavy [artying on a Saturday night, is the ability to pee in two different directions at the same time.

   so nice to see that the ex g/f who said I would never amount to anything just take my order at Taco Bell

   I wonder if people with foot fetishes get off on watching the Flinstones?

   Aside from Confirm & ignore, friend requests should have a "WHO ARE YOU" button

   I hate it when the same commercial plays two times in a row.

   Guess I've been doing too much laundry lately. My kid pointed out a pink car and all I could think was, "huh.. someone must have thrown a red car in the wash with it"

   You're always like a "deer in the headlights" when you look at the menu at Dairy Queen....You just don't know what to get.

   Don't sacrifice your friends for your "loved one". Because if your "loved one" is making you leave your friends...there's something wrong.

   I have learned "Limited Edition" means piece of crap that is going to be replaced with a better version in the near future.

   XBox muppets may be laughing at us PS3 owners but at least we won't have to buy new consoles when the network's back up. No red circle of death for us.

   I am the guy that you never want to leave alone in the control room, I will always hit the red button.

   Life can be like a prick, Sometimes it gets hard for no apparent reason.

   Chloroform makes a fine cologne indeed. The ladies always fall for it.

   1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance......... The 5 stages of buying gas.

   Life log: It has been 19 days since the playstation has gone down.Everything seems so real.

   "SIT AND STUDY" - This stunt is performed by experts under controlled conditions. Don't try this at home or anywhere. :P