bego Funny Status Messages

   Black friday: because only in America people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have

   Dracula used to drink virgin girls blood ... In 2011: he died of hunger.

   I love finding money in my clothes…..its like a gift from me.. to me. 

   The condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of my job for a week every month!"The tampon replies, "yeah? And when you don't do your damn job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!!"

   Why do some men feel the need to make his woman jealous of other beautiful girls? A real man should be making other beautiful girls jealous of his woman!!

   Nice try "blocked" number, but I don't even answer the phone for people I know.

   No one can change a person, but someone can be a person`s reason to change

   Those who drink to drown their sorrows should be taught that sorrows know how to swim.

   When someone says "be honest" what they really mean is: lie to me, but be as convincing as possible.

   Holy s$it Karma, how much longer till we’re all squared up?

   My gf won’t get the remote that’s in the other room, but if my wallet was at the bottom of an ocean she’d be shopping already.

   f people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?

   After 10 Dos Equis beers, I think I'm the most interesting man in the world

   The only obstacle to following my dreams is the alarm clock...

   Shout out to all the 90's baby's, with no babies!

   A snail that meows, a squirrel in an astronaut suit, a crab with a whale as a daughter, The creators of SPONGEBOB were obviously high.

   They need to make a breathalyzer app for my phone... After 10pm, I'm usually above the legal limit to text message.

   To my American friends 9/11 will never be forgotten. ... much like 7/11/95 to my countrymen in Bosnia...RiP to all 8.980 that lost their lives in Srebrenica massacer and may God be with their families

   Do NOT lower your standards to "keep" anyone. Make them meet you at YOUR level. Self respect is power.

   I gave a pint of blood yesterday. I hate mosquito season.